I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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