so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
