I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
