I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
