oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
