3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
