So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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