I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dear god my vagina.
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