the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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