P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
