Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
