low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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