just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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