I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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