Me too!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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