Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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