Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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