Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
