Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
