What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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