All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
