I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
