He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
