I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
