Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
