just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
