You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
