He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
