since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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