Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
