you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
