I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
