I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
