What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
