You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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