I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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