allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
