I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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