She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
