dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
