his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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