I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
