when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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