At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
