so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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