so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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