youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
