my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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