Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
