I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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