I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
