Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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