Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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