I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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