We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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