my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
