She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he fucked my hip out of place.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
