wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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