Life is so much better after having sex.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
soo... how was my night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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