2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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