i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So squirting runs in the family.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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