I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Randomize
