I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
