I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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