Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
did i just pee glitter
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
