I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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