my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
