The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
