no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
