She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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