when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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