No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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