Kiss
Puke
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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