Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
