Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
