I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
