I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
