Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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