can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
