if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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