It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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