I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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