youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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