wrigley field is MILF paradise
Soap is not a condiment
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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