Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
